If you're on my friends list, I would love to know 36 things about you.
If you want comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) If you were an animal which one would you be?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Living a culturally sheltered childhood, many things were left to be discovered in my later years. In high school alot of my friends went through an Andrew Lloyd Webber phase, and as such a Sarah Brightman phase, with some of us it stuck. So I said yeah I like opera, or kinda like opera. Many of those friends never moved much further in the lines of opera. I continued to listen, mostly by tuning into NPR from time to time or listening to something someone else had. Then one day someone said I've got some music for you to listen too, you'll like it. That day opera consumed my soul; I could feel it running through my veins. That day Pavarotti's voice rang in my ears, clear as can be. From that day forward it was no longer I kinda like opera, it was I love opera. I'm still trying to find my feet in that world but everytime I stop and just listen it consumes me.
 
And so, earlier today I'm in one of my favorite eateries having dinner. On the TV is NBC nightly news. I guess maybe I hadn't really let it sink in, I had some major school stuff going on today. When the news went off they ended by showing a clip from Pavarotti's performance at the 2006 Olympics and I found myself holding back tears. I know death must happen but it is still so sad to think of someone that had such a large impact on me passing on. May you find peace.

So, today while discussing the finer points of life with my good friend bug she points out that I have been to disney. I've been to disney ohhhh. And it got me going on a topic that has been a thorn in my side for some time. I'm sorry to all my highschool friends, this is nothing personal but, you guys suck as vacation goers. I have been to many wonderful destinations that some would love to go. I try not to talk about my ventures too often because I'm afraid I'll be seen as a show off, much as when I first found out I was going to get to go to Paris; I quickly learned to keep that excitement bottled in.
    Let's take Paris for a moment; here is a little country girl that although dreamed never actually imagined she would be going out of the country. So here I am set off on the greatest adventure of my life! Oh how excited I was when it came time for our first "free" day. The group I'd fallen in with was planning an illustrias trip to the Louvre, excellent. I'm thinking that the opera is not far from this, that would be grand. So after much getting lost on the streets we get in, YES. My adventure at the Louvre soon came to an abrupt halt as I realized that my pals had no intention of actually browsing the museum, nope, just went to see the mona lisa and ran out. Later in this day we actually stroll into a genuine french cafe, not some touristy place, and what do they have on the menu??? You guessed it, escargot; how exciting. Being who I am I immediately request that we dine there, my fellows were not as adventerous. I was not going to stay, dine alone, and be alone in Paris for the rest of the day, although now I realize that would have been best. Fill in the rest of this rant with the Hard Rock Cafe and McDonalds. Unimaginative.
    Lets add to the list my trip to DC with school where my whole day spent on museum road all I got to see was the Hope diamond and bits and pieces of a hollicost museum.
  Disney where I spent half the day of MGM sitting around some abandoned area food court.
    The air and space museum in florida where 30 minutes where spent inside.
    You get the idea. Anyways, I have many plans to revist these places in my adult years and savor the experience. Read the plaques. And be downright touristy.

Sure
I'll try to play your game
Pretend I don't care
Reject all who aren't the same
Perfect world, perfect game
Perfect Jane
Forget the world, miss my past
Drugs, booze, pain
Lost forever in a bliss
Untouchable
Eternal and lost
Days gone by in a blur
The things I did
If one knew, oh the pain
My new life would then pass
Keep the secret, play the game
You gave it up, wanting something better
Is this really better?
Keep playing, keep going
This may be your last chance
Perfect Jane, set the rules for the game
But remember
One day this too will pass
And I will no longer have to play
Come on Jane
How far do you want it to go
For one day you will feel my pain

Having a good day in clinicals today puts me in a mood that's prone to blogging. First of all today I was able to protect myself in a manner I saw appropriate! I was also appalled by the fact that some people chose not to protect themselves when everything was right there!
I also got to meet a lady that is starting pre-med in the fall and showed her alot of stuff and even though I know she won't remember it by the time comes that she's actually doing it in classes I showed her alot of stuff. I like teaching things I know I know.
And then finally another yahoo story *the only news I read are the four stories yahoo has up on it's front page I know I'm lame* http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070703/ap_on_he_me/tuberculosis_infection
Oh my, where to begin? Lets begin by reminding myself that I have to get a TB skin test in the next week or two, mine is about to expire. Second lets call out a quote from the person in question "In the future I hope they realize the terribly chilling effect they can have when they come after someone and their family on a personal level. They can in a few days destroy an entire family's reputation, ability to make a living, and good name." WTF MATE! You brought that shit upon yourself, not only did you go meandering around with TB you fucking went into an airport, FLEW INTERNATIONALLY when you were told not to. WHY DON'T YOU GO AROUND STICKING PEOPLE WITH NEEDLES INFECTED WITH HIV OR HEPATITIS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!!!!!!!!!! As I know most of my readers don't fully understand some of my posts let me explain something to you...the masks you see nurses wearing on tv, just the little mask that barely straps over...does not protect against TB, the masks people wore during the SARS scare and that people wear when mowing do not protect against TB. I've never seen TB masks in a CVS, I haven't really looked in walmart *adds to list of curious things to do*, and I can tell you that walgreens only carries 2 boxes at a time, this is of course all the walgreens I've noticed, I believe it's their standard. And yes, I have looked...That being said they're about 12 bucks a box and I think there is maybe 10 in one. They are only good for 24 hours...and well....I question even these sometimes. I've used the masks you can buy at walgreens, and then I've used the ones that come from a medical supplier and well they seemed to be of different qualities. Anywho, I believe I was actually talking to a friend about this last week. They can force you to take meds for TB, if they feel they need to they can show up at your house with police to make you take the medicine, and yes they can force this man to stay in isolation...it is far from the first time and it will not be the last time. There used to be massive TB hospitals, and then the epidemic died down but do not think for a single moment that the threat has went away. About a year and a half ago I spoke to a CDC representative that was informed me of how the number of cases of TB were slowly on the rise, this has been going on behind the curtain for years. People in general don't care and don't notice unless someone raises a big stink or something like what this man did occurs. I know for a fact that there are patients in my county with TB, don't ask me who or how many because I do not know that, but I do know they exist. TB in my opinion is one of the most highly contagious diseases there is. These people have to have negative pressure rooms in the hospital because the aerosol is so small that it isn't even large enough to call droplets. Imagine a finer spray then that of your air freshener. Mostly these patients are allowed to remain in the comforts of their homes, IF THEY'RE COMPLIANT. TB can kill and if anyone gets infected and dies from this *thinks of the little old ladies I cared for in the nursing homes* this man should be charged with murder. I really don't think it'd be the first time someone has been charged with murder for passing on an infectious disease to someone and it's killed them. Frankly I can think of some criminal charges that he could feasibly be charged with as things stand now.

Too read stories such as this one that makes something seem like a new problem when it isn't. My first encounter with MRSA was at your local everyday nursing home. Let me tell you something about nursing homes, I've worked in two of them (and really you can say three since I clinicaled in another) and they do not take MRSA as seriously as they should. No warning signs, no isolation carts, nothing. Staff members are not told about the MRSA, it just eventually leaks. One day you're giving report and mention someone and you hear "oh, you know they have MRSA". Wonderful you say. All of the inservices you go to say that if you use "universal precautions" then you should not have to worry. Bullshit. No matter how hard you try, what you do eventually you're going to have part of you that's not gloved exposed. If you work in the field for several years it'll happen at a rate you don't want to think about. Let's face it gloves don't go up to the elbows, patients slap you, you have to do things by yourself, and there's just no way that just "universal precautions" can help you.You need a gown for crying out loud, you need protection. Personally I'd much prefer to take care of someone with AIDS, they're usually more polite and try not to pass anything on to you. Not that all people with MRSA are rude, there are just alot of senile people with MRSA in nursing homes.
    Now, having hung around a couple of hospitals for awhile, the picture is completely different. The hospitals I've been in have tried much harder to protect their staff, but frankly it's not enough. People aren't tested for MRSA unless it's suspected, so out of all the people that are known to have it, add at least one, probably more. A friend developed a cough this winter. When they went to the doctor they were told it was walking pneumonia; when the antibiotics weren't effective enough they were tested and told they had MRSA. It was just automatically said that the recent hospital stay was the cause, but in all seriousness I didn't want to share that they could of had it for years and not known. The MRSA just made it harder to treat their pneumonia. I really wonder how many of us are affected, and just what exactly the mode of transmission was.

It is all around, covering the land and hiding the distance. It flows into me through my nostrols, it becomes a part of me. I stand there and breath it in, let it enter my soul. Then it's time. I begin to move forward, one step then two. It starts to swirl around me, chaos has ensued. Swirling with my every movement, distubing the stillness and silence. The mist flees away from my path, only to get caurght up in it, to be swirled and distroyed. I stop and look behind me and everything stills again, silence begins to creep back upon me. This must be the way of the world. This must be the answer. I move forward, mores slowly this time, leaving less of a disturbance in my wake; maybe this will do, an in between.

From one who knows. Be sure to choose your paths wisely my friends, be sure you know. Don't wait too long to follow your dreams because you will loose more then you can imagine. I have given up happiness, I've given up what was important to me. I followed a path that went against everything that I believe except the belief that this was the path. I'm now committed and at the same time stuck. I know if I change paths now it will be the end of me, so here I sit with only fleeting moments of happiness that only serve to make me miss what I had and a hope that I will be able to achieve that again one day. Here I sit knowing I chose best, but how hard it is, how much you have to believe that you can do it, that you can survive. I walk in no world; I do not exist.     

Well the day after my last blog post I was going to make another, filled with just as much anger. That day though I saw something touching and heart warming. I was in walmart looking around as I was leaving and saw a couple laughing and smiling. When our paths crossed the guy just looked at me and with the biggest grin said "That's my baby" and pointed to the girl's stomach. She wasn't showing yet or anything but it was sweet to see. This boy had found a new meaning in his life, he was dedicated and overjoyed to be having a baby. This was enough to calm the storm for some time.

Then a few days ago I got to watch a movie called The World's Fastest Indian. This movie was amazing. This man had a dream and a purpose, and would do anything for it. Just like the boy with the baby. It was beautiful. I find that these moments come up unnoticed by most which is a shame because of the joy found in these, the possibilities for a full range of human emotion. Not all have a meaning or a purpose, and these come and go, but to have that focus, that will, is amazing.
Mine is nursing school, it means everything to me. I wonder though where I will go when it's over, what will drive me then? Will I have that range of emotion, or will I be limited? What happens to us when that goal is met or lost? This is how life is, it happens all the time of course, but each experience is unique, each purpose is different. The most beautiful influence in our lives can become the most crushing. Where exactly is that fine line? How do we determine success and failure where it is not so cut and dry? I search for these answers and fear they may never come. 

Well, for some time now I had been thinking of putting a blog up for the benefit of some of my friends.  This was to include part of my evaluation and progression model but I realized something today. There is one person that I am very interested in sharing my model with but they are not ready. It has taken me a long time to develop this and one of the key points is being open and honest with yourself no matter how cruel that is. Which brings me to the point that I'm a very mean, vindictive, and hateful person. I dream of another reality. I stated to someone that I was lost, I'm lost in almost all areas of my life in fact.  When discusing my life goals I am so unsure about most of them.  What do I want to do I wonder? I want to have a home, a true home. Somewhere that I can speak my mind and not worry. I can decide that I want to artistically express myself for hours, days, or weeks on end. I can be alone whenever I wish, wherever in my home I wish yet I will live with someone I love. Someone will understand me, and will truly understand my hopes and my dreams. Someone I can sit down and show a "picture" of my mind and they have the capacity to understand it. No, I do not have to be married.

I want to be free.

I want to spend the night looking at the stores, carefully choosing one and speaking to it all night, learning everything about it, and eliminating everything else from my mind. And in the morning, right before my star fades away, I want to reach out and touch it and disappear with it into time and space. I will be one with the universe and that star will be me, I want to find peace.

Well a friend had made a post about having babies that made me think. I really don't know if I want to have children or not. I sometimes have the urges to but I really am not sure. Anyways, I used to want children, badly...sad thing is once I was able to look at it from a different perspective, and now that I look back on it, I had just wanted to have kids so I'd be sure that someone would love me, that and I was expected to have children. For so long I thought I was just supposed to get married and have kids that I never wondered why or if I really wanted to. That's not saying these things will ever happen, just they will be for the right reasons.

To add to this we talked about marriage/divorce and kids today in class. At the end of this video a couple got married just because they had a child together, the woman was not happy at all. This my friends is not a good reason for marriage.

Well earlier something was gnawing at my bones, actually for some time now. I'm working on getting over it cause I know it's arrogant of me to think such ways. I've been thinking "oh i'm tired of hearing all these people go on when I'm sitting here working 5 nights a week, then going to school, only getting 4 hours of sleep at a time, and somehow taking care of the house too."
It's just been things about people in the area and I've been like oh just suck it up. Tried to comment on one the other day, thankfully the comp messed up. These negative feelings gave me a bitterness that wouldn't go away while I was absolutely exhausted but now I think I'm getting over it.

Also for those that don't know towards the end of January I moved. Have I made a post about this? Anyways I'm now in building 137 Apt B and no longer have to worry about people's views on Alfred.

That one of my friends mentioned on a part of their personal page I rarely venture to that I don't post enough. I don't, ha! Mostly because my life is boring and if I posted even every other day it'd read...slept, went to work, someone fell/got sick/went to the ER, went to school/came home, slept. Ok, so that pretty much is my life in a nutshell but since it's been so long I do have a few things I can talk about.

Biggest new thing is my life is the addition of school again. I'm super worried though that I'm not going to be able to keep up working full time and going to school full time till I graduate. I have to work to pay the bills, I really want to go to school so anyone with some solutions let me know. I'm attending South College and I love it, I like it alot better then UT so far.

Next weekend we will be moving...across the street. Pretty much this side of the road is one apartment complex that doesn't allow pets and the other side of the road is a different apartment complex that does allow pets. Where we are currently living has decided that Alfred is indeed a pet and that they want to give us a hard time over him, across the road Alfred isn't considered a pet but if they ever change their minds we'll still be safe. Alfred is my baby and no one is messing with him. GRRRRR

Work has given me a new position as a mentor, which means I have to babysit the new people and what not. Got a small raise with this and an annual raise. WOOT! Now I have enough money to buy the meat that hasn't expired ;) j/k.

And finally...I decapitated Jonathan and buried him over on Wheeler Rd. The next day was marked by an awful stench but so far no haunting or what not.

Now, time for bed.

That one of my friends mentioned on a part of their personal page I rarely venture too that I don't post enough. I don't, ha! Mostly because my life is boring and if I posted even every other day it'd read...slept, went to work, someone fell/got sick/went to the ER, went to school/came home, slept. Ok, so that pretty much is my life in a nutshell but since it's been so long I do have a few things I can talk about.

Biggest new thing is my life is the addition of school again. I'm super worried though that I'm not going to be able to keep up working full time and going to school full time till I graduate. I have to work to pay the bills, I really want to go to school so anyone with some solutions let me know. I'm attending South College and I love it, I like it alot better then UT so far.

Next weekend we will be moving...across the street. Pretty much this side of the road is one apartment complex that doesn't allow pets and the other side of the road is a different apartment complex that does allow pets. Where we are currently living has decided that Alfred is indeed a pet and that they want to give us a hard time over him, across the road Alfred isn't considered a pet but if they ever change their minds we'll still be safe. Alfred is my baby and no one is messing with him. GRRRRR

Work has given me a new position as a mentor, which means I have to babysit the new people and what not. Got a small raise with this and an annual raise. WOOT! Now I have enough money to buy the meat that hasn't expired ;) j/k.

And finally...I decapitated Jonathan and buried him over on Wheeler Rd. The next day was marked by an awful stentch but so far no hauntings or what not.

Now, time for bed.

Sometimes fairy tales really do come true...

Plus I have pictures to upload and share when I get around to it.

Ok, well last weekend we went to chattanooga and had so much fun! The day started out a little rough (especially since I had to wake up el grumpo) but I decided to be patient and not let it get to me. We went to the Chickamauga battlefield first and looked around in the museum and then went off searching for the green eyed ghost. The tower everyone associates with him was "closed due to wasp swarms" meaning you couldn't climb the spiral staircase in it. I told Jonathan that the ghost must be masquerading as wasps this year but we saw neither ghost or wasp. Was very pretty although we did get lost several times, and I think we do plan on going back. Then we went to the Tennessee Aquarium, which is one of my favorite places to visit. All kinds of cute cuddly creatures were seen here plus I got my first visit to their new "ocean journeys" building. I do feel bad for the otters though, I'm not sure they were feeling well. We got dinner somewhere right before we came home and then we listened to hockey games. All in all a great day. Pics are at http://photos.yahoo.com/tn_hockey_fan_raven somewhere around in there I guess.

I guess I shoulda posted this sooner...For the story on my little mausoleaum go to either www.keyboardconspiracy.com or http://johnnorrisbrown.com/paranormal-tn/mausoleum/index.htm

Some of you have heard me express concerns for a certain person that I felt I didn't give the chance he deserved. A friend of mine in HS, he was a really great guy but nerdy and I was so concerned about my image I was mean to him...and all he wanted was to be friends. Anyways, I saw said person today but didn't get to talk to him :( I wasn't positive it was him at first because only saw him from the back close and when I saw his face he was on the other side of the restraunt and my vision is poor. I was going to walk up to him on my way out of the restraunt but he left before I had a chance. I think he recognized me because we walked out as he was driving by and he waved and I waved back. It's good to know he's still around was kind of afraid he had joined the military and something had happened. He was all smiles so that is good :)

Well I thought I'd give you some kind of update. Life has been wonderful, I haven't been speaking to anyone much but I'm very happy. Jonathan and I seem to have gotten past our rough times and are being rewarded for sticking it out. I love him dearly and that's enough to brighten up all days for me.  He cut my hair for me last week...

 

I look goofy in that picture but I'M STILL SICK SO FUCK OFF IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.  Anyways...

Even though I didn't feel well we drove to chatty yesterday for some business.  On the way back we stopped in Cleveland to check out the Craigmiles bleeding mausoleum.  For pictures go to http://photos.yahoo.com/tn_hockey_fan_raven It was real beautiful and even though it was sad you got this feeling of happiness and love from the place.  They mourned well for they must have remembered the happy memories and felt love for the little Nina when they built this for her, and while they missed her they did not let it destroy them.

Oh, I guess I better clear up the sick thing...maybe bronchitis? I dunno, I lost my voice several times monday and one time on tuesday.  I still sound so scratchy that you'd think I'd smoked for 50 years and I'm feeling a bit nausious etc right now.  I hope it passes soon, but even sick I can be happy now.  I will admit I went through about 3 days of depression about a week and a half ago but it wasn't near what it used to be and it was more a feeling of something being wrong/out of place then depression.